Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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