I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
