i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
