i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
