the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
