Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
