Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
