hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
