of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
