I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
