ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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