Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
