I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
