i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
