well you can't waste a boner
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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