I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
