After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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