tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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