it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
