Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
