Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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