We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
