She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
