Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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