I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
