For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm passing your future prison.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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