I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
