my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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