My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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