It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
