brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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