So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
