i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
