I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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