guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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