I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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