you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
