I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
