The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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