My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
