$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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