The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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