meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
