I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
