mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
