so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
