Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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