He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
