hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
