I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
