I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
