May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize