That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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