i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
