An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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