so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
