I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
