Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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