Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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