I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
