Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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