eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
