Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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