I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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