if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
