Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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