Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
