I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
