Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize